Hamas Bombs Make “BOOM” in Israeli Real Estate

Wealthy Jews (really, are there any other kind?) are buying up high priced property in Israel as a hedge against rising anti-Semitism in their present countries of residence. The surge in economic activity is creating a real estate boom as a welcome side effect of the recent war with Hamas.

Despite the Gaza conflict creating a spike in global hatred for “dem Jooooos,” the Jewish people have responded as they have for millennia; by pointing out that they are in fact the Chosen People of God, and everyone else better just get over it.

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Skyrocketing real estate sales in Israel have fueled fears of a growing real estate bubble, as opposed to a sustainable real estate boom. Schlomo Paimee, a well-known Tel Aviv estate broker, remarked, “Who gives a shit? Profit is profit! Where are you from, Bethlehem??”

Representatives of the Palestinian Authority have lodged an official complaint with local UN Human Rights monitors, claiming that Israeli real estate is intentionally priced “higher than a giraffe’s ball-sack,” to keep Palestinians from buying or renting property.

Sources close to the UN expect an investigation to be launched shortly. Hans Dieter Klangenlanger, the UN Chargé d’affaires for Palestinian Housing, Welfare, Human Development, Feeding, Grocery Shopping, Cooking, Cleaning, Diaper-Changing and Hand-Holding issued a statement saying only “We’re looking into the matter, and fully expect to find a way to cash in ourselves on what seems to be a seller’s market.”