In the kind of world-changing announcement that usually only follows Ryan Seacrest saying, “the winner of American Idol is…,” Netflix revealed to the world that they were be expanding their services into one of the most explosive parts of the world, the Middle East. While this may not seem like big news to some, many analysts are viewing this expansion as a...
It has been predicted in the past that as brutal as Middle Eastern conflicts have been in the past, they will become more gruesome when the focus of wars shift from faith or territory to water. Water, also known as that thing that you are mainly comprised of, is the chicken broth in which the matzah balls of life exist. For...
Across many states, Republican presidential hopefuls laid out their national security plan with a surprising notion suggesting that it would be a good idea for US forces to return to the Middle East in order to fight ISIS. While at first counter-intuitive, political analyst, Brea KN Rekerd, suggested it was a wise strategy. “GOP presidential hopefuls don’t need to win a majority of...
ISIS leader Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi is desperately trying to return his newly-purchased Caitlin Jenner Halloween costume after a series of internet comments have claimed the costume is insensitive and promotes transphobia. “When I purchased the costume online, as a gesture to honor Ms. Jenner’s courage, I had no idea I was mocking the transgender community and reducing its members to...
Looking to drag on futile peace talks with Kurdish separatists without making anything that could be considered a concession, Turkish President Recep Tayyip Erdogan has sought advice from his longtime nemesis and Israeli counterpart, Benjamin Netanyahu. Erdogan, who began peace talks with the Kurdish Workers’ Party in 2013, said he had nearly given up on the talks, believing there was...
While knife-wielding Palestinian terrorists continue to imitate the less sexy parts of Game of Thrones with Israelis instead of the Starks, Palestinian Authority President Mahmoud Abbas’ wife’s brother recently went under the knife for life-saving heart surgery at a private hospital in Tel Aviv. The only person more upset about this than the Grim Reaper is former Pink Floyd front man...
A barren desert of sand dunes and dust storms, bands of desperate survivors fight to the death over a few last drops of water and gasoline, the roar of engines and the clangor of explosions. This is the setting of Warner Bros’ action blockbuster Mad Max: Fury Road, and also pretty much what Americans see on the news every day....
Remember the UAE Arab-Muslim female fighter pilot and her F-16 Fighting Falcon that blasted ISIS members to Never-Never Land? Well, media outlets around the world were joined in collective relief that the UAE fighter pilot, Major Mariam al-Mansouri is very ‘easy on the eye’. Middle East Editor for the New York Times Peter Johnson said, “let’s be honest recent developments in...
According to some report, Syrian President, Bashar Al-Assad spent twenty minutes on Sunday staring at his bathroom mirror, trying to remember what his mustache reminded him of. After squinting really hard, he was quoted as saying “Holy fuck!” “Asma, get in here! I look like Hitler. Look, I Fucking look like Hitler. Why didn’t anyone tell me?” I’ve been on...
The Israeli-Palestinian conflict is so complex that very few people understand it, and no, Wikipedia doesn’t suffice. Plenty of dummies think that they understand the whole shebang, and in order to try to explain it to people who they feel aren’t as smart, they compare it to other examples. One of the most common comparisons is with the Native Americans....
After months of confining its Middle East strategy to trolling Obama on Twitter, the Russian Armed Forces have fully engaged in Syria in October with a bombing campaign and a deployment of ground troops. The shift in Russian tactics has left Western analysts flabbergasted, prompting NATO to request The Mideast Beast to investigate the issue. “It’s October now so it’s getting...
Saying they had no idea that Israelis and Palestinians were such passionate fans, members of British rock band ‘Status Quo’ said they were honored and excited by the wave of demand for them to play on the Temple Mount, one of the holiest sites in Judaism and Islam. “We had no idea we had such a following in the Middle East...
In a bombshell statement that changed the reality of the Nazi campaign against European Jewry, Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu revealed to the world that Hitler was more or less undecided about what to do with the Jews until he met a very special someone. The special someone was the Grand Mufti of Jerusalem Haj Amin al-Husseini, who, according to...
Amid increasing anger about Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu’s claim that Jerusalem’s Mufti Haj Amin al-Husseini was the one who gave Adolf Hitler the idea of the final solution, a number of groups have made their discontent known. This is true of people from all ends of the political spectrum including confused pro-Israel groups and indignant pro-Palestinian groups. But one...
At the scene of a grisly attack, medics and soldiers swarmed the scene like bees on a hive. Initial reports indicate that the victim was walking through the streets of Jerusalem when a Palestinian teen ran up and attacked without any apparent cause. The assailant is currently at large, while medical personnel are currently treating the victim, who has been identified...
A recent wave of terror attacks, many involving knives , has brought tension in Israel to a boiling point and caught the attention of US Secretary of State and 2018 Nobel Peace Prize winner John Kerry. Kerry, who is on a global tour promoting his book “How I Lost Syria to Putin in a Game of Poker”, issued a statement...
After announcing his intention to match any Iranian nuclear weapon, an angry Saudi King Salman ibn Abdulaziz discovered Amazon.com doesn’t offer two day shipping on nuclear weapons. “You know I’m an Amazon Prime Member,” the King told Amazon customer service rep, Tabitha Chablis. Amazon, however, insists that their supplier requires 7-10 days on all WMD orders. After hanging up, a dejected...
As tensions between Israel and the Palestinians grow increasingly… tense, a number of casualties have resulted from clashes between the two groups. Until this week, the only casualties were people – but now, Jewish Holy sites have come under attack as well. The hottest place to be this week was undoubtedly Joseph’s Tomb when it was set ablaze by some...
Here’s Johnny! The master of interference, US Secretary of State, John Kerry announced plans to travel to the Middle East in an effort to create more chaos, cause irrevocable damage to any future Israeli-Palestinian peace process, and rack up some decent Delta SkyMiles®. Kerry’s goal to calm the current violence, persuade leaders on both sides of the conflict to return...
Just as critics declared the market for war memoirs is saturated, a book from a wholly different perspective may now take the country by storm. Feeling Controlled by MQ-9 C37r, a General Atomics Reaper (formerly known as the Predator B), is receiving the sort of pre-release buzz most books can only dream about. Feeling Controlled is more than just a...
