Entertainment

Are All Journalists Just Fake News Homosexuals?

Are All Journalists Just Fake News Homosexuals?

The Mideast Beast podcasts are now available on iTunes for free! Subscribe now! Be sure to subscribe for free here On this episode of the The Mideast Beast Podcast: We provide the satirical news, but are the real journalists giving you fake news? Host Molly Livingstone gets to the bottom of this burning question with the Times of Israel Knesset Correspondent Raoul Wootliff. Find out why he was called a “fake journalist homo” while covering a recent right-wing rally. Is it...

ISIS Leader to Pose in Swimsuit for Vogue Magazine

ISIS Leader to Pose in Swimsuit for Vogue Magazine

In a photo shoot that supporters of the ISIS leader have called inspirational, ISIS leader Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi will appear on the cover of Vogue magazine wearing only a tight black speedo and hot pink bikini. “I’m still alive and I am beautiful!” the Caliph wrote in a Tweet accompanying the picture, which showed him in stunning two-piece. The spread won immediate support from Baghdadi’s allies on the American left. “This photo shoot of @AlBaghdadi in the October issue of...

Saudi Arabia Planning Least Exciting Resort Ever

Saudi Arabia Planning Least Exciting Resort Ever

The Saudi Arabian government has admitted to being disappointed at the public reaction to its plans for a new tourist resort on islands in the Red Sea. One blogger commented, “So what you’re saying is it will be like lying on a beach in Dubai but without the two-for-one cocktail hour. Or like lying on the beach in Tel Aviv but with all the girls covered in black sheets. You’re not really selling this to me.” Another said, “I appreciate...

Gloves that Don’t Fit and Metal Detectors that Don’t Quit

Gloves that Don’t Fit and Metal Detectors that Don’t Quit

The Mideast Beast podcasts are now available on iTunes for free! Subscribe now! Be sure to subscribe for free here On this episode, No. 8: Is there a link between OJ Simpson and the Middle East peace process? Leave it to hosts Molly Livingstone and Alex Giles to make that leap as they discuss renewed tensions, terror, and moral high ground. Spoiler alert: Molly has a hardcore rant (that’s also weirdly inappropriate).   You can also listen to it here...

ISIS Postpones Armageddon Until After Game of Thrones Finale

ISIS Postpones Armageddon Until After Game of Thrones Finale

Saying it would be unfair to expect his warriors to sacrifice their lives for Islam before finding out if Jon Snow and Daenerys Targaryen actually get it on, ISIS spokesman Ahmed al-Lannister announced that the terror group will put off its apocalyptic battle with western infidels until after the popular HBO series “Game of Thrones” concludes. “While the forces of the faithful are eager to martyr themselves to defeat the unbelievers, they cannot enter the kingdom of Allah without first...

Iranian State TV: Actually, We’re Lit AF On Air

Iranian State TV: Actually, We’re Lit AF On Air

A spokesman for Iranian state television has confirmed that its presenters are buzzed pretty much all the time. “It’s pretty much the only way they can get through a show without breaking down. To be fair how do you think you would cope if each night you had to lead with stories on how terrible the great Satan is and their lap dog the little Satan. And you can’t keep straight whether the little Satan is Israel this week or...

ISIS Cell Discovered in R. Kelly’s Basement

ISIS Cell Discovered in R. Kelly’s Basement

ATLANTA — Authorities in Atlanta have uncovered the largest ISIS sleeper cell ever found on US soil, with the terror outpost found in R&B star Robert “R.” Kelly’s basement. Detectives say R. Kelly had been using his uplifting lyrics and seductive voice to draw in and brainwash recruits, even recording reworked classics such as “Trapped in the Caliph’s Closet”, “Behead and Grind” and “I Believe I Can Fly…..This Hijacked Plane.” He would meet aspiring artists at his concerts, and recruit them...

Let’s Pop Saudi’s Ass Pimple

Let’s Pop Saudi’s Ass Pimple

The Mideast Beast podcasts are now available on iTunes for free! Subscribe now! Be sure to subscribe for free here This week on The Mideast Beast Podcast you’ll get all the info on Qatar, why they imported 4000 cows (no, it’s not beastility), and why they’re getting the boot from other major players in the Middle East. If you don’t have iTunes, check out our Podcast section on the website.  ...

ISIS Country Star Sharia Twain to Tour United States

ISIS Country Star Sharia Twain to Tour United States

ALABAMA – Sharia Twain, the rapidly emerging Salafi-Jihadi country music queen, has launched her US tour in Birmingham, Alabama. The music star is expected to unveil her new single, “Mammas, don’t let your babies grow up to be Shiites.” Originally from Raqqa, Sharia Twain grew up listening to Tim McGraw and the Dixie Chicks in the days before the establishment of the Islamic State. In an interview, the country music star remarked, “I’ve loved country music but I always knew...

Assad Offers Humanitarian Assistance to Lena Dunham’s Dogs

Assad Offers Humanitarian Assistance to Lena Dunham’s Dogs

Saying that he could no longer stand by in the face of such needless suffering, Syrian President Bashar al-Assad has agreed to take in a limited number of dog refugees from actress Lena Dunham. Assad’s offer comes after reports that a healthy dog adopted by Dunham in 2014 was later returned to the animal shelter showing signs of PTSD. “While the suffering of Lamby has shocked Syrians and people throughout the world, it represents just a fraction of the trauma...

Israeli-Palestinian Conflict Ends After Lebanon, Tunisia Ban “Wonder Woman”

Israeli-Palestinian Conflict Ends After Lebanon, Tunisia Ban “Wonder Woman”

After more than 100 years of bloodshed, the Israeli-Palestinian conflict ended abruptly the other day after Lebanon and Tunisia banned the screening of the movie Wonder Woman, which features an Israeli actress in the iconic role. When Lebanon revealed that it had banned the film, Israeli PM Netanyahu called for all armed forces to retreat from the West Bank immediately and end the siege on Gaza. Thousands of ultra-nationalist religious settlers then decided to donate their homes to Palestinian refugees...

ISIS Mistakenly Takes Responsibility for Decapitating Trump

ISIS Mistakenly Takes Responsibility for Decapitating Trump

In a huge faux pas, ISIS mistakenly took responsibility for decapitating President Trump and is now seeking revenge after finding out the photo of Kathy Griffin holding up a bloody Trump head wasn’t real. Unfortunately for Griffin her greatest fear is no longer that her dying career is finally over, as she has now officially been targeted by ISIS. There has been no word from Griffin, who was unconvincingly devastated by the onslaught of backlash from the President – who...

White House Correspondents’ Dinner ‘Finds Better President as Guest’

White House Correspondents’ Dinner ‘Finds Better President as Guest’

The White House Correspondents’ Dinner committee has decided on a fresh approach following President Trump’s decision to not attend this year. They extended an invitation to Iranian leader, Hassan Rouhani, the self-proclaimed ‘longtime fan of the New York Times’, and he has accepted. His spokesmen commented, “The President was deeply honored by the invitation and is already hard at work on his speech, which I can assure you is going to be full of ‘zingers’. He recognizes the religious leanings of...

Infowars.com Reports Iraqi Army Fighting to Liberate Stockholm

Infowars.com Reports Iraqi Army Fighting to Liberate Stockholm

Alex Jones, the walking advertisement for why you really shouldn’t stay out in the sun too long, and the host of Infowars.com has reported that the elite Golden Division of the Iraqi Army is engaged in intense combat with ISIS forces in and around the Swedish capital. Heavy fighting is reported around the Ikea store in Jakobsberg, although Infowars.com correspondents may be confusing this with the normal Sunday afternoon rush to get reasonably priced homeware bargains. President Trump has directed...

Iranian President to be Roasted at White House Correspondents’ Dinner

Iranian President to be Roasted at White House Correspondents’ Dinner

Iranian leader, Hassan Rouhani, has accepted an invitation to be the guest of honor at this year’s White House Correspondents’ Dinner. His spokesmen commented, “The President was deeply honored by the invitation and is already hard at work on his speech, which I can assure you is going to be full of ‘zingers’. He recognizes the religious leanings of his audience so he’ll be limiting the Zionist jibes and will only be telling one holocaust joke. But that will be the...

The Mideast Beast to Begin Covering Real News

The Mideast Beast to Begin Covering Real News

The Mideast Beast, a satirical news source, has confirmed that they will begin to focus on reporting real news.  This comes at a time when real news and fake news are becoming less and less distinguishable. There have always been some that think satire is real and real news is fake, but recently the number of people unable to decipher between the two is increasing at an alarming rate. “Why expend effort to write something that outlandishly exploits the hidden...

ISIS Clarifies: ‘We Had Nothing to Do with Mariah Carey’s New Year’s Eve Performance’

ISIS Clarifies: ‘We Had Nothing to Do with Mariah Carey’s New Year’s Eve Performance’

Calling it a disaster for which the West has only itself to blame, ISIS issued a statement Sunday morning stating that it bore no responsibility for singer Mariah Carey’s disastrous performance on ABC’s New Year’s Eve event at Times Square. “In the wake of the infidel Mariah Carey’s nakba [catastrophe] last night, we have heard people speculate that we may have hacked into the speaker system to embarrass the American Crusaders, or secretly drugged Mrs. Carey, or some shit like that,”...

Walt Disney’s Epcot Opens ‘Little Israel’

Walt Disney’s Epcot Opens ‘Little Israel’

ORLANDO, FL — The Happiest Place On Earth just got a little happier, as Disney announced the opening of Little Israel at Epcot Center this past weekend, just in time for Hanukkah and Christmas.  The multinational corporation has carved out some land to represent the Jewish State, providing authentic cultural experiences all staffed by out-of-your-league chicks rocking casually slung assault rifles. As Epcot is known for showcasing technological innovations from around the world, Little Israel features the Iron Dome Missile...

Donald Trump Names Michael Bolton as Potential Special Envoy for Middle East Peace

Donald Trump Names Michael Bolton as Potential Special Envoy for Middle East Peace

President-Elect Donald Trump announced earlier today that he is considering Michael Bolton as his special envoy for the Middle East Peace process. After the announcement, the question on everyone’s mind is: Doesn’t he mean John Bolton? Special Envoy for Middle East Peace is a position dedicated to bringing an end to the decades-long Israel-Palestinian conflict. John Bolton is a lawyer and diplomat who has served in several Republican administrations including Ambassador to the UN; his name had even been tossed around as a...