Willy Johnson

Willy’s inspiration for writing stems for his anger at Sacha Baron-Cohen having stolen his joke about hummus sounding like Hamas.

Born in London to the last couple in the city ever to see the sun, he attended a school where you wear a strange uniform and have to reassure people that showering after gym class was not an intimidating process. He smoked cannabis in hale, rain, and snow, but managed to get great grades due to intensive study of The Complete Works of Dr. 2Pac Amaru Shakur MCSE MD PHD RUNDMC R&B.

A graduate of Cockermouth College at the University of Coxford, he has written for several different publications before arriving at The Mideast Beast. He is currently working on a history of dyslexic Israeli-Palestinian negotiators entitled ‘Piece Process’.

In his spare time, he chastises Americans for choosing to pronounce the word yoghurt as ‘yo-gurt’ instead of ‘bro-gurt’.

 

DJ Khaled Presents One-State Solution to Israel-Palestine Conflict: ‘WeTheBest-istan’

DJ Khaled Presents One-State Solution to Israel-Palestine Conflict: ‘WeTheBest-istan’

Speaking before a packed United Nations General Assembly, rapper-producer DJ Khaled has pitched a bold plan for resolving one of the world’s most intractable conflicts: the creation of a binational state in the Holy Land, with hip hop as its only religion. According to the Snapchat superpower’s peace proposal, Israel, the West Bank and Gaza Strip would be united as a single state called ‘WeTheBesti-istan’, with Khaled as President for Life and Jewish reggae superstar Matisyahu as Vice-President for Life. Khaled,...

Al Gore: If I’d Won the Presidency, ISIS Would Be World’s Most Eco-Friendly Terror Group

Al Gore: If I’d Won the Presidency, ISIS Would Be World’s Most Eco-Friendly Terror Group

Climate change activist and former U.S. Vice President Al Gore has suggested that ISIS and other terrorist organizations would have been far more environmentally friendly had he been elected president. In a wide-ranging interview with The Mideast Beast, Gore argued that the territories currently ruled by ISIS would be running on a “combination of chinchilla faeces and banana skins” had he beaten George W. Bush in the contentious 2000 election. Plugging his latest film, ‘An Inconvenient Truth 2: How Jihadists...

Germany Pressures Israel to Sue Egypt for Slavery Reparations

Germany Pressures Israel to Sue Egypt for Slavery Reparations

German chancellor Angela Merkel has been mounting pressure on Israel to take the Egyptian government to court over its historical enslavement of the Jewish people and sue for reparations. Speaking from Berlin, Merkel said, “The time has come. We’re experts over here at paying for Germany’s occasional errors so we feel it’s only right that Israel follows our lead.” Outlining ideas for the future, Merkel suggested “Perhaps future U.S. President Carson could negotiate Egypt gifting Israel a pyramid or two?” The...

Rumors Abound Netanyahu to Retire and Enter Child-Wear Market Following Failed America Visit

Rumors Abound Netanyahu to Retire and Enter Child-Wear Market Following Failed America Visit

Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu has revealed that following on from his attempt to persuade America he was a nice guy last week, he plans to retire forthwith and enter the fashion world with a collection of children’s wear tentatively titled ‘Bibi Bibs’. Discussing his reasons for the planned career change, a glowing Netanyahu explained ‘Bibi Bibs’ origins in depth. “I attended a Jewish National Fund conference recently” said the Zionist silver fox, “And heard my nickname Bibi chanted by...

Plot to Sabotage Bill Clinton’s Israel Visit with ‘Lewinsky Street’ Renaming Foiled

Plot to Sabotage Bill Clinton’s Israel Visit with ‘Lewinsky Street’ Renaming Foiled

Following on from Bill Clinton’s visit to Israel last week, reports from Tel Aviv’s City Hall have revealed a startling plot concocted by right-wing members of the city council to stop the former president from addressing last Sunday’s memorial for Yitzhak Rabin, the Israeli Prime Minister who was assassinated by a right-wing d-bag 20 years ago. The plot in question involved updating Clinton’s itinerary so that it included the unveiling of a rebranded Levinsky Street in Tel Aviv that was...

BBC Appoints Director of Bias for Middle East to Ensure Imbalance Remains in Israel-Palestine Coverage

BBC Appoints Director of Bias for Middle East to Ensure Imbalance Remains in Israel-Palestine Coverage

The BBC announced today its appointment of their World Affairs editor Mahmoud Shabbas as their new Director of Bias in Israel and Palestine, citing the questions emerging over recent signs of impartiality at the broadcasting company. The appointment stems in part from a recent report filed by BBC Middle East editor Jeremy Bowen, which featured 2.5 minutes covering Palestinian issues and 2.4 minutes covering Israel issues. Speaking on the growing fear amongst Israeli politicians that bias could be disappearing at...