Wally Wagstaff

Wally Wagstaff attended Moonman University until he realized he was actually in a religious cult. Wally began herding cattle at the age of 25, fulfilling his lifelong dream to heard cattle by the age of 25. With that goal reached, at the age of 26 Wally became a standup comedian thus fulfilling another lifelong dream to not produce anything of value for the rest of the world.

Wally does not believe in politics. Not in the way a person doesn’t believe in abortion or the opposite of abortion but rather in the way a person wouldn’t believe in Santa Claus, militantly and against all evidence to the contrary. When people ask Wally for whom he will vote, he callously replies, “Open your eyes idiot, can’t you see it’s all a lie!?”, the way one might speak to a child who still believes in the fat, bearded man.

 

ISIS Abandons Qur’an For Being Too Peaceful, Adopts Gospel According To Wile E. Coyote

ISIS Abandons Qur’an For Being Too Peaceful, Adopts Gospel According To Wile E. Coyote

After constant accusations of not truly representing Islam, the Islamic State has decided that the Qur’an will no longer be the guiding force to their movement. The militant radicals will instead follow the far more violent scripture of mid 20th century American cartoons. Following visits from Acme missionaries to the Middle East, the Islamic State learned about the prophet Wile E. Coyote and his many sacrifices for the sake of violence. ISIS had been looking for a replacement for Islam...

Trump Appeals to the Religious Right by Claiming to be Jesus

Trump Appeals to the Religious Right by Claiming to be Jesus

TRUMP TOWER, NYC — Donald Trump had been making conservative Christians very uneasy. The religious right, who historically have supported Republican presidents, have found it difficult to politically back someone as liberal as Donald Trump. Struggling to find “a relationship with Christ“, and thus a way to connect to Christians, Trump apparently found the solution: he announced yesterday that he is, in fact, the son of God and this is his second coming. While initially the statement received backlash from conservative preachers,...

Big Win for Feminism: Saudi Arabia Legalizes Being a Woman for all Saudi Men

Big Win for Feminism: Saudi Arabia Legalizes Being a Woman for all Saudi Men

It may come as a shock to most people that Saudi Arabia is a country that still has some misogynistic views about women. Despite the nation’s fanatical support of female political candidates in the United States, Saudi women, until recently have been treated very poorly. Salman bin Abdulaziz Al Saud, the King of Saudi Arabia decreed on Friday that women would be given more rights and freedoms, as long as they were men. To be very clear about this, being...