Stiffy Wonder

 

Influx of Martyrs Leaves Heaven Facing Severe Virgin Shortages

Influx of Martyrs Leaves Heaven Facing Severe Virgin Shortages

A worrying report released by a spokesman in Heaven this week revealed that the afterlife paradise is on the verge of facing a severe virgin supply crisis. As per company policy, every martyr entering heaven is guaranteed 72 beautiful virgin girls upon his arrival. Unfortunately, an influx in martyrs in recent years due to increased turmoil amongst radical Islamists has rendered the hereafter utopia struggling to meet the demand of rising numbers of fanatical militants killed in the name of...

Israeli-Palestinian ‘Surprise Acupuncture Initiative’ not having Expected Results

Israeli-Palestinian ‘Surprise Acupuncture Initiative’ not having Expected Results

A joint Israeli-Palestinian peace group is beginning to rethink its recent “Acupuncture for Peace” campaign after mixed results in the past few weeks. The initiative’s goal was to encourage goodwill and relaxation between Palestinians and Israelis by having trained practitioners surprise unsuspecting strangers with unexpected acupuncture sessions in public areas. Unfortunately, many of the acupuncturists have been mistaken for terrorists and have been killed or detained by Israeli security forces. The leaders of the Acupuncture for Peace initiative, Muhammad abu-Salim...