Roger Pumper

Journalism has been in Roger Pumper’s blood since he began his first paper route in Kabul, Afghanistan, at the age of seven. After graduating from Cairo’s Al-Azhar University with a Doctorate in Animal Husbandry, Pumper worked as a fact-checker for Brian Williams and Bill O’Reilly. Pumper was awarded a Pulitzer Prize in 2002 for his investigative reporting on Iraq’s WMD program, though the award was later revoked. Pumper currently resides on a goat farm outside Kirachi, Pakistan.

 

Syria to Send Election Monitors to New Hampshire

Syria to Send Election Monitors to New Hampshire

Citing confusion and irregularities during Monday’s Democratic caucuses in Iowa, Syrian President Bashar al-Assad announced his country will send election monitors to oversee the upcoming primary in New Hampshire. “The citizens of the state, the country, and the world need to know whether the results of the New Hampshire election truly reflects the will of the people,” Assad said during...

Bloomberg Asks TruNews How Whole ‘Jew Coup’ Thing Works

Bloomberg Asks TruNews How Whole ‘Jew Coup’ Thing Works

Former New York City Mayor and Democratic presidential candidate Michael Bloomberg lashed out at far-right news site TruNews for warning of a potential “Jew coup,” calling it a baseless conspiracy theory and adding, “besides, if it was a real thing, how exactly would it work?” “As a Jewish American, I am shocked and offended that President Trump would credential an...

Trump Peace Plan Gives Israel, Palestine Back to Turks

Trump Peace Plan Gives Israel, Palestine Back to Turks

In a move that stunned both Israelis and Palestinians, US President Donald Trump unveiled a proposed peace plan that returns the entire region to Turkish control. “I was going to have this whole elaborate plan to create a Palestinian state in the West Bank, and build a tunnel to Gaza, and all this really confusing stuff that frankly was very...

Rashida Tlaib Condemns Israel for Killing Mr. Peanut

Rashida Tlaib Condemns Israel for Killing Mr. Peanut

A day after retweeting and later deleting a post falsely accusing Israelis of kidnapping and killing an eight-year-old Palestinian boy, US Rep. Rashida Tlaib has now blamed Israel for the death of popular Planters mascot Mr. Peanut. “Sad to see Mr. Peanut thrown off a cliff by a herd of violent Israeli settlers,” Tlaib tweeted, citing a tweet by anonymous...

Al Qaeda Claims Credit for Lone Vote Against Jeter for Hall of Fame
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Al Qaeda Claims Credit for Lone Vote Against Jeter for Hall of Fame

In an attack that the terror group hopes will put it back on Americans’ radar, al Qaeda has claimed credit for the one vote against inducting former Yankees shortstop Derek Jeter into the Hall of Fame. Jeter received 424 out of 425 possible votes on Tuesday, leaving the sports world furious at the sole holdout, whose identity has not been...

Hamas Environment Minister Vows to Cut Flag, Effigy Burning 20% by 2030

Hamas Environment Minister Vows to Cut Flag, Effigy Burning 20% by 2030

In one of the region’s most ambitious initiatives to address climate change, Hamas Minister of the Environment Ahmet al-Buluti has vowed to reduce flag and effigy burning emissions 20% by 2030. “We must all do our part to confront the reality of global warming, and these targets will be an important step towards reducing our carbon footprint,” al-Buluti said in...

Warren Claims Bernie Gave Her Smallpox Blanket

Warren Claims Bernie Gave Her Smallpox Blanket

As the feud between the two democratic presidential candidates escalates, Senator Elizabeth Warren now claims that Senator Bernie Sanders offered her a smallpox-infected blanket in an effort to push her out of the race. Warren’s allegation comes a day after she told reporters that Sanders privately told her that a woman could not win the presidency, a charge Sanders denies....

Iran Accepts Rose McGowan as Refugee

Iran Accepts Rose McGowan as Refugee

Calling it a sign of mercy towards the American people, the Iranian government has accepted Rose McGowan’s asylum claim following the actress’ tweet begging the ayatollahs’ forgiveness following recent US airstrikes. Ayatollah Ali Khamenei, the country’s Supreme Leader, launched a daring mission to rescue McGowan after she tweeted, “We are being held hostage by a terrorist regime. We do not...

Trump Threatens to Target Persian Square in Los Angeles
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Trump Threatens to Target Persian Square in Los Angeles

President Donald Trump said he has added domestic Iranian cultural sites, including Los Angeles’s “Little Persia,” to its list of potential targets in the event of an Iranian attack. “This is a WARNING! If Iran strikes America, we will bomb anything Iranian that we can find!” Trump tweeted Sunday morning. “We will start by wiping out Persian Square in LA,...

Dems Support Airstrike After Soleimani’s Old Tweets Emerge

Dems Support Airstrike After Soleimani’s Old Tweets Emerge

Democrats initially opposed to President Trump’s decision to take out Iran’s Quds Force Commander Qasem Soleimani have reversed course after decade-old offensive tweets by the general emerged. Leading Democrats now call the strike long overdue after the tweets – described as sexist, homophobic, and Islamophobic – were discovered by a blogger for the Huffington Post. “Just watched 45 minutes of...

Khamenei Misses the Days When Biggest Threat Was Iranian People
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Khamenei Misses the Days When Biggest Threat Was Iranian People

Pondering how to respond to American air strikes that took out his top general, Iranian Supreme Leader Ali Khamenei admitted that he longed for the days when the greatest threat to his power was the Iranian populace looking for basic human rights. “You know who never kills your top military officials in a drone strike on foreign soil? Unarmed protestors,”...

‘We Could Have Just Paid You Back for the Broken Glass,’ Khamenei Says
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‘We Could Have Just Paid You Back for the Broken Glass,’ Khamenei Says

After his top commander was killed by a US airstrike, Iranian Supreme Leader Ali Khamenei has accused Americans of being “really anal about your embassies all of a sudden.” “I mean, jeez, talk about an overreaction,” Khamenei said in his first official statement after the death of Quds Force commander Qasem Soleimani and Abu Mahdi al-Muhandis — the deputy head...

New York Enacts Strict ‘Eight-Strikes’ Law to Stop Attacks on Jews

New York Enacts Strict ‘Eight-Strikes’ Law to Stop Attacks on Jews

Promising to finally get tough on attacks against Jews, New York has instituted a stringent ‘eight strikes’ law promising legal consequences to anyone who commits more than seven felony assaults against random Jewish citizens. The law was spurred by outrage after Brooklyn resident Tiffany Harris was arrested twice within a week for attacks against Jews, in one instance screaming “fuck...

House Passes Resolution Condemning All Unprovoked Attacks in Brooklyn

House Passes Resolution Condemning All Unprovoked Attacks in Brooklyn

After a week in which at least eight Jews were attacked by strangers on the streets of Brooklyn, House Democrats have passed a resolution condemning all random attacks against minorities in New York. “We oppose attacks on the streets of Brooklyn by Islamophobes, white supremacists, transphobes, homophobes, gingerphobes, and all other bigots,” the resolution stated. “We will not tolerate hate...

‘Jewish Voice for Peace’ Menorah Just Christmas Tree on Fire
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‘Jewish Voice for Peace’ Menorah Just Christmas Tree on Fire

Looking to tout its Jewish credentials, anti-Israel advocacy group Jewish Voice for Peace left followers confused as it posted a picture of a Christmas tree in flames with the caption “our Hanukkah menorah!” “Happy to celebrate this holiday with our fellow Jewish Jews and with our wonderful new menorah,” stated the caption of the picture that looked nothing like a...

Corbyn Relieved He Doesn’t Have to Attend Some Stupid Menorah Lighting

Corbyn Relieved He Doesn’t Have to Attend Some Stupid Menorah Lighting

Calling it a silver lining to his recent election loss, UK Labour Leader Jeremy Corbyn admitted he is greatly relieved he does not have to attend any menorah lightings or “do any other stupid Jewy stuff” to mark the start of Hanukkah. “If I was prime minister right now, I’d probably be surrounded by a bunch of hairy rabbis bragging...