Leila Khaled-Cohen

 

Israel Air Force’s F-35 Pet Project

Israel Air Force’s F-35 Pet Project

In a surprise, yet totally expected announcement, General Amir “Impact Crater” Feldman, Head of the Israel Air Force (IAF), confirmed that the new F-35, which “can’t turn, can’t climb, can’t run,” would be a literal pet project for the IAF. “The days of flying, dropping bombs and shooting down the enemy are over,” he said in an off-the-record briefing to The Mideast Beast. “The F-35 is frankly too expensive to operate, so most will be kept on the ground and...

Israel Defense Force Commits Crimes Against Israeli Population, says Attorney

Israel Defense Force Commits Crimes Against Israeli Population, says Attorney

Photo: The Israeli Daily cannot confirm if these were the chairs stolen by IDF soldiers.    A complaint was logged with the International Criminal Court today about War Crimes committed by the Israel Defense Force (IDF) against the Israeli population during last summer’s Gaza War. The complaint came as the scale of the theft of chairs and umbrellas from cafes and gas stations along one of Israel’s major highways become apparent. Finola O’Lochlin, a legal advisor from ‘Palestinian Lawyers for Israelis’,...

Israel is ‘Criminal State’

Israel is ‘Criminal State’

The human rights group “We know nothing about the Middle East” or WKNATME has accused Israel’s government of being a criminal organization. 

“Being a democracy and providing a high-standard of living just cannot be done via legitimate means,” said Sandy Guinness who makes coffee for the teenager that runs their website from a truck stop café outside Dublin. “Israel is mostly Jewish, therefore mostly corrupt. Look, I don’t believe the whole ‘drinking the blood of Palestinian children’ thing but they...

Israel cannot name sixth submarine

Israel cannot name sixth submarine

A serious row has broken out in the upper echelons of the Israeli Navy, over the name of their 6th German built U-boat. The current names, Dolphin, Whale, Crocodile, Revival, and Splendour may all soon be joined by Duck-Bill Platypus or Manatee. “I refuse to command a ship named after something with a permanent smile on it’s face” said Yossi “the Shark” Kaplinski, Israel’s highest scoring U-boat ace with 16-tons of shipping sunk, fifteen of which was accounted for in...

Bomb Shelter, Bomb Shells!

Bomb Shelter, Bomb Shells!

With the recent upsurge in rocket fire thanks to Switzerland-by-the-Sea, Israelis living in the South have taken to using their bomb shelters, which has displaced their normal residents. “This shit is getting ridiculous. There’s almost no where to smoke and have sex with my boyfriend” complained an anonymous 12-year-old girl from Sderot. “It’s really unfair.”
 “Yea, it’s terrible,” complained Mohamed Al-Latif. “I was growing some herbal medicine plants in the local shelter and all the Jews came and smoked it...

Snowden reveals ‘Galloway’

Snowden reveals ‘Galloway’

Edward Snowden has recently revealed that a Mossad spy has infiltrated into Muslim groups in the UK. Little is known about the shadowy figure that is believed to have been recruited in Scotland about 30 years ago, and goes only by the code name ‘Galloway’. “Ya Allah! This is so like 24!” said Abdul Abdul, spokesman for the West and East Yorkshire Global Jihad Co-operative and The Local Ferret Breeders Association. “We’re a typical tightly knit of group of West...