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Iraq Voted onto UN Women’s Council, Saudi Arabia Shocked

Iraq Voted onto UN Women’s Council, Saudi Arabia Shocked

Saudi Arabia, recently elected to represent women on the United Nations Commission on the Status of Women, is apparently shocked that Iraq, a country where women’s rights are declining rapidly, would be included.  A Saudi leader commented, “I mean, I understand why we were elected to join, but Iraq!?!?” “We aren’t really sure how our country was elected, it’s definitely not something we support… women’s rights that is.  We’re pretty much the wife beater of the Middle East. But at...

Al-Qaeda: ‘It’s About Time America Shuts Women Up’

Al-Qaeda: ‘It’s About Time America Shuts Women Up’

“We couldn’t be happier to see that the United States is finally seeing things our way,” commented an al-Qaeda leader when he found out Senator Elizabeth Warren was silenced during the debate on the Attorney General nomination. “Women should never have the right to voice their opinion and it’s about time America did something about it.” “For far too long, America has given women rights that they just shouldn’t have.  It is refreshing that President Trump and the Republicans are...

The Mideast Beast to Begin Covering Real News

The Mideast Beast to Begin Covering Real News

The Mideast Beast, a satirical news source, has confirmed that they will begin to focus on reporting real news.  This comes at a time when real news and fake news are becoming less and less distinguishable. There have always been some that think satire is real and real news is fake, but recently the number of people unable to decipher between the two is increasing at an alarming rate. “Why expend effort to write something that outlandishly exploits the hidden...

God Hopes Men Will Listen to Women This Time

God Hopes Men Will Listen to Women This Time

In response to questions regarding the Women’s March that was sparked by Trump’s inauguration and turned out to be the world’s largest protest thus far, God commented that he “really hopes men will listen to women this time around.” Apparently the Almighty was referring to the Golden Calf Incident where women gathered at Mount Sinai and vehemently protested the decision to worship a statue made of gold.  The men didn’t listen, and God got pissed. It is said that all chaos,...

Obama on UN Settlement Resolution: “Honestly, I Was Just Too Damn Tired to Vote”

Obama on UN Settlement Resolution: “Honestly, I Was Just Too Damn Tired to Vote”

President Obama has finally made an official statement regarding the controversial decision to abstain from voting on the UN’s Settlement Resolution. The President was “Just too damn tired” to get up and vote.  He said that when he woke up that morning he thought to himself… “People are going to hate me if I vote yes and others are going to hate me if I vote no… so why vote at all.” “Who would have thought that staying out of...

ISIS Takes Responsibility for 2016

ISIS Takes Responsibility for 2016

In a YouTube video, where ISIS members were holding up posters of the heads of recently deceased entertainment icons with their eyes gruesomely X’d out, a spokesperson shared that almost everything bad that happened in 2016 was at their command.  Stating, “It was hard keeping this to ourselves all year, but we wanted it to be a big New Year’s surprise!” The multi-part plan involved killing off world Icons like David Bowie, Prince, Muhammed Ali, Leonard Cohen, George Michaels, and...

Terrified by Trump’s Twitter Account, the Middle East Prepares for War

Terrified by Trump’s Twitter Account, the Middle East Prepares for War

Several high-ranking Middle Eastern officials have admitted that a Twitter war may be imminent as the President-elect continues his late-night internet war. Intel suggests that several countries are worried and have begun arming their forces with accounts. A spokesperson for Twitter confirmed that sign-ups in the region have doubled to an astounding 180 since the election. A source said that most countries had never even heard of Twitter, and would be defenseless against a late-night attack by Trump. He also...