Adi Ratjaka

Adi Ratjaka was born in Nablus and got a start in journalism after receiving a scholarship from the British Council to study at the prestigious Nazarene Media School in Nazareth. While at the school Ratjaka became head of the student newspaper, The Watcher, and was involved in student politics.

He got his first job at the North Yemeni Times where he was prepared to write many ‘cat up trees’ stories to prove his spurs only to find there weren’t many trees, or for that matter cats, in Yemen. Ratjaka’s first major scoop was to break the story on then President Ali Abdullah Saleh’s chronic flatulence, which was cited as a major influences for coup leaders ousting the dictator.

After the story broke Ratjaka was picked up by Agence France-Presse (who because they’re French will pretty much employ anyone). Ratjaka’s work with AFP has taken him to all corners of the Middle East and beyond, which is when he came to the notice of the team at The Israeli Daily who promised him a land of Xboxes and Le Creusset in order to bring his professional, journalistic traits to the team.

 

Lack of Baguettes Upset French ISIS Fighters

Lack of Baguettes Upset French ISIS Fighters

French Islamic converts that have travelled to the Middle East to fight for ISIS have admitted to making ‘a bit of a mistake’ according to documents released by the French Intelligence Services. “We’ve come to the region to fight for the Caliphate, but when you can’t find a charger for your iPod to make sure you’ve got some banging tunes to charge into battle with what’s the point?”, one recruit told The Mideast Beast. Another convert complained about inhumane treatment in...

BREAKING: Genesis 12:3 Decides to Retire

BREAKING: Genesis 12:3 Decides to Retire

In an exclusive interview with The Mideast Beast (TMB) Genesis 12:3 has revealed that it is uncomfortable with its current fame and is considering retiring from the bible. “It used to be that I was a bit part player in the whole story,” Genesis 12:3 told TMB in its first interview in several centuries. “You know I was just that verse that was used to make sure Genesis 12:2 and Genesis 12:4 didn’t bump in to each other.” However, Genesis 12:3 says that in the...

RT Named News Channel of the Year

RT Named News Channel of the Year

There was controversy in Tel Aviv last night after the Israeli Association for the Televisual Arts named Russian-funded RT as ‘International News Channel of the Year’ at its annual awards. The judging panel cited RT’s speedy reporting of the news and willingness to not let the truth get in the way of a good story as major factors in the unanimous decision. “Of course if you know what your story is going to be in advance you can beat the...

ISIS Bans ‘Battlefield Selfies’

ISIS Bans ‘Battlefield Selfies’

In a move to enhance the battlefield effectiveness of its fighters, top ‘Islamic State’ commanders have had to impose a ban on ‘Battle Selfies’, which have become ever more prevalent as the terrorist group takes on increased numbers of western recruits. One ISIS commander told The Mideast Beast (TMB), “we’ve had a real problem with this in recent weeks as we’ve looked to consolidate our position in the face of stiffened resistance from the US and its local lackeys. “It was...

Google’s ‘Driverless Car’ Launches in Saudi Arabia

Google’s ‘Driverless Car’ Launches in Saudi Arabia

Google announced this week that it had chosen Saudi Arabia as the ‘perfect’ launch country for Google Car, also known as ‘Waymo’, the latest product from the high tech firm. At a pre-launch event, Head of Markets, Mike E Moist, stated, “Saudi Arabia is the perfect market for Google’s driverless car. We know that Saudis love mobile technology and there are a high number of non drivers in the country that could easily be converted to buying a Google Car.”...

UK Government to Ban All Communication in Order to Combat Extremism

UK Government to Ban All Communication in Order to Combat Extremism

LONDON — Following the historical Brexit referendum and the appointment of the new British Prime Minister, Theresa May, The Mideast Beast has learnt that the UK Government is planning legislation to stop people communicating, in a radical step to ‎combat the Islamist threat. One commentator stated; “I’m not saying Mrs. May is ‘authoritarian’, but I understand that Benjamin Netanyahu has her photo up as his personal screen saver.” The planned law comes after a damming report from Parliament’s Intelligence and...

Report: Porn Reduces Suicide Bombing

Report: Porn Reduces Suicide Bombing

Islamic State leaders are blaming an increase in the availability of high quality Internet porn for their inability to recruit enough volunteer suicide bombers. Speaking exclusively to The Mideast Beast (TMB), ISIS’ Director of the Head Separation Techniques Department admitted that the problem had become so acute that the organization has needed to put a new recruitment drive in place. “It used to be that the promise of 72 virgins in paradise would be enough to motivate any hairy palmed onanist...

US Supreme Court to Decide Where Jerusalem Is

US Supreme Court to Decide Where Jerusalem Is

JERUSALEM — Officials in Jerusalem say the city is in the midst of an existential crisis. Not because of the stabbings, bombings, shootings, the dispute over the eastern part of the city or the crazy foreigners who dress like Jesus and roam the streets. Rather, they found out that it will take a decision of the US Supreme Court to decide where in the world the city is positioned. “We were happy just ticking along and getting things done until we...

Obama Moves to Cut Military Aid to Israel

Obama Moves to Cut Military Aid to Israel

Hidden away in the budget just sent to Congress by the Obama Administration is a proposal to cut military aid to Israel. The budget states that the US could save billions of dollars by reducing aid to the Jewish State that could then be used on shiny new toys like the F35 Joint Strike Fighter. Ironically, this comes at a time when Obama is actually willing to increase Israel’s military aid, if it relinquishes its sovereignty to Washington, which of course caused...

Obama Poised to Send Guantanamo Detainees to Louisiana

Obama Poised to Send Guantanamo Detainees to Louisiana

Sources close to the White House have told The Mideast Beast that the Obama Administration is poised to announce the closure of Guantanamo Bay detention center and the transfer of the remaining inmates to a facility on the US mainland. “We’ve been looking to get this done for years,” one source told TMB. “Obama wants to make sure it happens before the end of his second term so he does something good for the Democratic Muslim vote for the next president. He...

Saudi, Israeli Airlines Consider Codeshare Arrangement

Saudi, Israeli Airlines Consider Codeshare Arrangement

Officials from Saudi Arabian Airlines are to visit Tel Aviv this month to discuss a codeshare arrangement with their counterparts at El Al, the flag carrier of Israel, as both airlines seek to gain further traction in the important Middle East religious conservative market. The news came after the Saudi airline said on 2 January that it was considering seating male and female passengers separately. Frequent flyer Abdul Musleh explained to The Mideast Beast, “when I fly with my wife...

Riots at Temple Mount in Jerusalem caused by flatulence, not religious tension

Riots at Temple Mount in Jerusalem caused by flatulence, not religious tension

Bathroom attendants at the Al-Aqsa Mosque in Jerusalem have called a strike over what they say are poor working conditions brought on by the frequent Israeli ban on younger Muslims worshipping at the third holiest site for Islam. Ibrahim Batatu one of the leaders of the protest told The Mideast Beast the reasons behind the strike. “You have no idea how bad things have got. On the days when the ban is in place only worshippers over the age of 50...

New academic study finds being anti-Islamic not as economically damaging to one’s wealth as being anti-Semitic

New academic study finds being anti-Islamic not as economically damaging to one’s wealth as being anti-Semitic

“We have found that different types of bigotry have different levels of impact when it comes to how wealthy you are,” University of Plovdiv Professor Goyam Tsvete stated in the abstract of this latest study. The Bulgarian academic team rushed out their findings in the wake of a recent study that showed a positive correlation in Germany between areas where persecution of Jews was most intense and distrust of the stock market. The German study showed that people were 7.5%...

X Factor cures homesickness, says ISIS

X Factor cures homesickness, says ISIS

The flow of young female jihadists from Europe is causing a challenge for ISIS’ chief morale officer Muhammad bin Youssef as his team tries to combat homesickness. Speaking exclusively to The Israeli Daily bin Youssef said that the organization was failing to live up to the expectations of these recruits and was identifying ways in which it could make the girls feel more at home. “Obviously we need to keep these girls happy,” he stated, “some of the lads are...

Opening US airspace will lead to ‘rain of terrorists’

Opening US airspace will lead to ‘rain of terrorists’

US airline bosses are warning that an open skies agreement allowing non-US airlines to operate domestically within the US is the biggest terrorist threat since 9/11. “You let non-US airlines to operate here and that means that you have to let the Middle Eastern ones in,” cautioned, aviation analyst Michael J Preston. “That means it’s going to be literally raining terrorists. I’ve been at JFK when some of those flights come in and it’s easier to count the guys without...

French Fries Finally Return to Washington D.C.

French Fries Finally Return to Washington D.C.

In a nod to France’s new military activism legislators on Capitol Hill are to vote to reinstate the qualifier ‘French’ in front of the fries on all menus across Washington. Speaking to The Israeli Daily a congressional staffer said that a bill would be introduced to the House in the next week. “We are hoping to acknowledge French support for the current operations against ISIS and the work they’ve been doing in sub-Saharan Africa,” the Democratic staffer stated. “They’ve been...

Israel Searches for Star to Outshine Mia Khalifa

Israel Searches for Star to Outshine Mia Khalifa

Naftali Bennett, leader of The Jewish Home party and the balding hunk in the above photograph, has called for a search for a star in the Jewish State after pictures and tweets of Middle Eastern porn star Mia Khalifa, born in neighbouring Lebanon, briefly topped social media searches last week. Twenty One year old Khalifa’s claim to fame was that she had managed to become the top searched actress on popular internet site Porn Hub, with some 1.5 million views. The...

ISIS Denies Book Burning

ISIS Denies Book Burning

ISIS has denied that it is burning important books despite reports that it removed some 3,000 titles from the Central Library of Mosul a few months back. Speaking exclusively to The Israeli Daily, the groups head librarian, Mustafa Reida, said that books were removed to make way for new acquisitions. “We recently purchased a large collection of new works and the other books have been removed into storage or placed online. There hasn’t been any burning we’re not Nazis.” RELATED: ISIS...

Inspired by India, ‘Islamic State’ Wants a Satellite

Inspired by India, ‘Islamic State’ Wants a Satellite

Inspired by India’s becoming the first Asian nation to place a satellite in orbit around Mars, the ‘Islamic State’ (IS) has said that it will become the first ‘country’ in the Muslim world to achieve the same feat. Speaking at the launch of the initiative, IS’ newly appointed Minister of Scientific Advancement, Ibrahim al Battani said that it was the role of IS to inspire future generations of Muslims with such a bold endeavour. “I was watching our satellite TV hookup...

ISIS falsifies Twitter followers

ISIS falsifies Twitter followers

ISIS’ Head of Social Media for Apocalyptic Doctrine has been forced to resign after it was found that he had been artificially inflating the number of followers for the group’s main Twitter accounts, with the total number of accounts operating on behalf of ISIS is somewhere around 46,000. At an official press conference in Raqqa, Anwar al-Bibi told the assembled media that he would be stepping down from his post as head of the Islamic State’s Social Media Unit after it was...